“I’m sorry about freaking out, God. I just feel like I’m wandering…”
These are the words that I just prayed to God after having a mini meltdown about my joblessness.
As soon the words came out of my mouth, I remembered the line from Tolkien’s poem, “All that is gold does not glitter”:
“…not all those who wander are lost.”
I may feel like I’m wandering, simply roaming around, walking in the dark with only a dimming flashlight; but God sees infinitely more than I do. The path is bright from His perspective.
If I’m where He wants me in this exact moment, then perhaps I’m not completely aimless. Perhaps I’m not lost. I’m found in Him. And I know that it’s not always what we want to hear when we don’t know what to do; but at least we can rest in that.
How much do you trust God? How much do you believe in Him? How much do you believe Him?
He is the Lord of lords. Yes or No?
He is God almighty. Yes or No?
He knows us fully and intimately. Yes or No?
He goes before us, He has our backs, and He walks alongside us through different seasons. Yes or No?
He is for us. Yes or No?
He has a plan for us. Yes or No?
He loves us. Yes or No?
I hope you answered yes to those questions. It will give you rest. If you are worried, scared, anxious, look at the above statements. God, the creator of the universe, who knows you inside and out, and who loves you beyond comprehension, has a plan for you. I don’t know about your win-loss record against God’s plans, but mine is a perfect…0. My plans never work out, but His do.
I get it. I get being anxious and scared…and worried…and doubtful…and concerned…and frustrated. I hate feeling like I don’t have a purpose. I dislike not having a plan. I’m not a fan of aimless wandering (unless it’s in a Target or a mall–can I get an “Amen!”). However, just because I don’t know where I’m going, doesn’t mean the journey won’t be worth it.
So yea, I am wandering. And at times it feels like I’m not even moving; but I do not serve a stagnant God. I am not lost. I have not been forgotten. My wandering has been an exploration. I have learned things about myself and have grown in ways that wouldn’t have been possible if my plans succeeded.
My path might not be what I expected or what I would have chosen, but it’s where God has led me and I will walk this road knowing that He’s walking beside me.