He Shows Up

“Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!”

–John 20:26

In this verse, I see myself and Jesus meeting. I feel the sigh of relief that I have taken. I am known. I am loved. I am saved. I am forgiven. I am not alone.

“Though the doors were locked…” My heart was rock solid. It was wounded from past hurts, doubts, mistrust, hatred, and isolation. So I blocked things out. I couldn’t feel anymore. It was better that way…or so I thought. I didn’t want to get hurt, again. So I would distance myself emotionally from everything. The issue is that I’m an emotional creation. I cry, I laugh, I empathize, I feel. I felt fake. On the outside, I was “happy”, but on the inside, I could not have been deader. I wanted death. I had depression for 6 years. The pain, the isolation. I knew it all so well.

“Though the doors were locked…” I was convinced that no one would ever break through. I didn’t want anyone to. I didn’t want to burden them, to bother them. So I suffered alone. For a while, it worked. To make a long story short, people found out. My cover was blown. People knew and I also told some people. And then something else happened.

I met Jesus. Not just the Jesus from Theology class who always seemed a little too distant. I met the Jesus who loves me. I met the Jesus who was holding me and never left me even though I thought He did. I met Love incarnate. I met Understanding. I met Peace. I met Healing. Six years of depression, gone. He came. Jesus came.

Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!

The journey is long and I am certainly still on it. I’m facing addictions, doubt, flashbacks of the depression, self-confidence issues, and a handful of other things, but everything’s going to be okay. Jesus is victorious. I am free and healed through Him.

The journey is long and I am certainly still on it. I have a team of believers surrounding me, praying for me, keeping me accountable. I am not alone in this.

The journey is long and I am certainly still on it. There are times when it feels like there’s something separating me from God; but I know that “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow–not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love” (Romans 8:38). Despite my fears, God is always with me.

During my loneliest days, during my darkest nights, during my most hopeless moments when it felt like the doors to my heart were locked so tightly, Jesus came.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s